So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
