New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
