Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
