Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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