Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
