After last night, I could never be a politician.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
