the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
