shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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