I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
