I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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