that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
