you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
