I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
