Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
