So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
