i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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