I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
