omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
