were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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