Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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