Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
