Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize