it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
