I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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