NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
