I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I got chris browned last night
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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