while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
