the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Someone came in the potted fern
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
