the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
