she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
