You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
