So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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