the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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