I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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