I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
