3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
