At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
