now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
