Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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