tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We were destined to go to rehab together
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
