mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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