Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
