I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
