Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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