Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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