that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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