your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
