Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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