I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
