Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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