Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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