He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
