High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
