How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
